Monthly Archives: July 2008

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slowly healing :-)

It’s amazing…when you ask God over and over again to see others through his eyes, and he does that for you.

Today my boss shared pictures from his recent vacation in Scotland and Italy with a bunch of us during our lunch break. I was just enjoying hearing about his trip and eating my lunch, but then about halfway through when he started talking about Scotland I remembered being in Wales and England a few years ago and my whole study abroad experience which also involved going to Italy for spring break…which led me to the thought of how much pride I’ve taken in thinking I’m “cultured” and “well-traveled,” as someone who is able to say that I’ve been to all these places that Jeff was talking about. And then I remembered how my dad was really the one made that whole trip possible…giving me money to spend and being really on top of taking me to the bank to get traveler’s checks and always asking if I had enough money and when he and mom came to visit me in London, he gave me more money. I was always hesitant about taking his money, especially because I’ve always looked down on his financial habits and been outrightly disrespectful about what I’ve always considered his lack of responsible financial management.

Dad and me in London, Spring 2005

My dad and me in London’s Leicester Square in 2005

But today I just got this picture in my mind of how he just wanted so badly for me to have the best experience ever and didn’t want money to prevent me from experiencing everything that I could while in Europe. And that’s why he was so persistent about making sure I had everything I needed. And I’m just so overwhelmed with emotion right now, so touched and filled with so much understanding of how much he loved me and how he made this life changing experience that I had in London happen at all. I keep tearing up and could use a really good cry. I don’t know how all of this healing is happening all the sudden, beginning with on Father’s Day when I prayed for him during my prayer time with Dave, and was just crying so hard and wanting to have a better relationship with dad and really love him well. It came out of nowhere, but from that point God continues to do amazing work in me and keeps softening my heart. A couple of weeks ago, as I was thinking of who I could ask to be the officiant of my wedding and wondering who I knew that was ordained, I realized that dad was and I actually had a really positive reaction to the thought of him being that part of my wedding. And thinking about him as I was looking at my boss’s pictures today just made me want to give my dad a major role in the wedding even more–as if it was my way of giving back to him all that he has given me all these years. I wanted to write him something that expressed my sincere gratitude for how much he has loved me and cared for me all these years and how I really did appreciate it and that even though it was joyous to be united with another man, I would be sad knowing that he would no longer be, I guess, the most important man in my life. Wow. I can’t believe I’m even writing that sentence. I never would’ve ever thought the day would come when I would write that. Wow. God is so good and faithful. This is just amazing.